Annual Awards Night

Saturday February 1st 2003

After many weeks of planning and anticipation the long awaited "night of nights" finally arrived. As the guests starting arriving all could see that it was going to be jam packed with beauty, glamour and fashion (some of the support crew looked OK too).

The evening started with a leisurely stroll around the parkland of Emerald Lake, at least it was leisurely for everyone apart from Mal and Stacey who missed the 5 pm start and spent the next 30 mins running trying to catch up to rest of the peloton.

Distinguished Guests (and others)

At 6 pm the criterium races were planned to start around the specially prepared and demanding floodlit circuit. Although some of the riders had their bikes in their cars, no-one actually made it to the starting line. Apparently they were too afraid to get dust on their beautifully oiled and polished calves to risk a start. .

There was undoubted tension in the air as the flash bulbs flashed, each photographer trying to get that elusive photo that would find its way onto the world wide Internet the next day.

The bookmakers had to revise the betting odds many times over the preceeding days. Old Bob Lewis had been an early favourite and had received much support from local nursing homes and Probus Clubs, but some experts felt that his chances had slipped away with his excessive number of crashes. Fearless Doswell had promised much early in the season but his failure to complete most rides would obviously stick in the minds of some of the judging panel.

John "hooters" Seamons also had been a steady performer but appeared to ruin his chances by reattaching his 100 db Mach II hooters for the final ride. This alone would not have been so serious, however the tone they produced sounded more like a cow with a teat infection, than the Ghost Train it was meant to mimic.

Some pundits also thought that Dennis "Merkx" Dawson would be a strong contender but he also appeared to have ruined any chance he might have had by thoroughly humiliating all the other riders each week on the club web site. Since the riders themselves were going to cast the all important votes it was unlikely that he would score any votes at all.

Elderly Veteran Bob "Crasher" Lewis (facing the wrong way)

Ross receiving his new Massey

Some other commentators believed that the field was wide open and that the coveted award could be snatched by one of the dark horses - Massey Bury, Socks Mayall, Spanner Billson, Solo O'Grady or Barmy Williams. One thing was certain, and that was that nothing was certain.

At 7pm the guests sat down to a luxurious meal prepared by the support crew. It was obvious that the members of the crew had really excelled in competing for their own Catering Excellence Award. After 90 mins of solid eating the excitement and pressure could be held back no longer and all members of the Warby Ghost Riders cast their secret ballots for the major award.

While the votes were being counted and checked by the scrutineers a number of Minor Awards were presented. The winners of these were as follows:

The Human Rocket Award - Bob "steroids" Lewis
The Crash Dummy Award - Bob "Crasher" Lewis
The Least Frequent Rider Award - Darryl "Solo" O'Grady
The Inept Bicycle Maintenance Award - Dennis "pfff" Dawson
The Bicycle Fashion Award - Duncan "Socks" Mayall
The Most Frequent Complainer Award - John "why do we do this?" Seamons
The Noise Pollution Award - John "Hooters" Seamons
The Most Reckless Rider Award - Mal "Fearless" Doswell
The Leg Shaver Award - Mal "Mr Sheen Doswell
The Most Courageous Rider Award - Ross "Massey" Bury
The Long Distance Rider Award - Rob "Barmy" Williams
The Most Improved Rider Award - Warren "Spanner" Billson
The Creative Writer Award - Dennis.www.Dawson.com

Duncan casts his vote (and drops his pen in the dessert)

Mal also produced some extraordinary awards of his own, setting off much nervous laughter among the guests.

Eventually the preliminaries were out of the way and the all important sealed envelope was produced containing the name of the person that was soon to be crowned as the King of the Trail.

Eight riders held their breaths and pulled in their stomachs as the envelope was opened.

Getting ready to announce the King

Who was the winner to be?? Bob applied a quick touch up to his calf blush, Mal plucked an offending whisker from behind his knee, Ross started mentally clearing a space in his office for the trophy, Duncan wondered if he could order a pair of Dean Woods' socks, John was planning how he could mount the trophy on his bike, but, unfortunately for all of these riders, their dreams were not to be. The winner of course was none other than the much esteemed, admired, loved, President himself - Dennis "The Warby King" Dawson.

The New King of the Trail

After a few minutes spent throwing rotten fruit at the winner, the rest of the riders had to reluctantly admit that the best man had won it after all. Dennis graciously pointed out that the trophy was a perpetual trophy and that 2002 was over and that a new year had already begun.

All of the riders present should go home believing that they could actually be the winner next year. What a magnificent dream to keep them pedalling on through the heat of summer, the biting cold winds of winter, the hordes of flies at Woori Yallock and the inevitable horse manure every day of the year.

After a time of recollection and planning the evening finally drew to a close with everyone agreeing that we had laid a great foundation in 2002 and looking forward to collecting some fantastic shared memories and experiences over the next 12 months.